i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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