I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
