i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
