i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Im part way to drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
