I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
