there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
