Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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