Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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