Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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