Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
