woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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