I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
