If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
