And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
