I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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