best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
