I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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