Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
