He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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