I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
