its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
