Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
