U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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