I cannot find my penis.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
