btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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