I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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