I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
