Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
