Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
