I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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