when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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