frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
