Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
