I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I looked at my own cervix.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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