ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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