she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can I color on your dick again?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
