He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
