I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
