i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
