I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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