I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's like heaven, but drunker
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
