i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
