smell my finger.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
