Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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