this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize