okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
