dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
