I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
