Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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