it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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