the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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