very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize