I seem to have left my pride at pride
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
