Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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