No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize