***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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