you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Damn victory sex feels great
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
