i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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