Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
