So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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