I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize