she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
