I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
