Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
