The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
