is this the sara with the beer cane?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
