clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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