Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
