so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Pants are for mortals
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
