this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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