The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
