dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
