You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
