When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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